what to do??

hey up guys!!

thought id put up a post about this as its been bothering me.

okay.... my mum and dad have been divorced for 3 years now and recently my mum has married another man who is about 6 years younger than she is (shes 42) and now they have dropped the bombshell that she is trying for a baby with him.

now she didnt exactly say those words which makes me mad because she was pussyfooting around me telling me she had been for a blood test to have her hormone levels checked and when i asked why she just said its sumthing older women have to do, now by this point i knew what the real reason was i just didnt say anything at that moment then later on she said oh wouldnt orhan (her husband) be a great dad hes great with morgan ( my daughter) and stuff like tht so thts how she told me.

she has always said right from divorcing my dad that she never wanted anymore kiddies and now she is telling me that she is trying for another one at the age of 42 she is a grandmother.... to my daughter...

aside all of this orhan knew tht she didnt want anymore kids and married her anyway all truth be told she married him as quick as what she did because his visa was running out as hes from iraq. now i dont like him at all hes rude and doesnt speak to us and when he does he is abrupt he is too rough with morgan and since my mu has met him i have hardly seen her as he doesnt want to stay when they come round and stuff like that.

i feel upset that i dont see my mum as much as what i would want because i was v close to her growing up and now feel i have lost her. now i know she is trying for another baby i feel angry with her and upset because for the past few months me and my partner have been talking about trying for another and i have spoke to her about this and she has always said oh you should wait, morgan isnt old enough, lose weight before you have another, get a bigger house, get more money and now she tells me she is trying????

okay i feel so selfish and spoilt and stuff when i say that i dont want another brother or sister especially when i have a daughter that is 2 years old and she is a grandmother, and to top it all off i am now worried about getting pregnant at the same time as her, i really dont want to do that i hate the idea of it and it makes me feel physically sick thinking about it. now i dont know what your sat there thinking lol but i do feel selfish for even thinking it never mind telling you guys about it. and i dont know what i expect you to put but i would just like to hear sum of veiws on the situation. i am onli 21 and was heartbroken when my mum and dad broke up.

so please if you could write back and let me know what you think.. i feel alone in this...

i would just like to thank tia for speaking to me about it the other night

sorry im ranting i cant believe how long ive been writing for sorry xx

oh luv, i think its awful that yr mum has gone off like this. i have no problems with her wanting another baby but why didnt she confide in you when you told her you were trying again? i dont thik you are selfish at all i think her new hubby is the selfish one. he knew the score when he married her.
he sounds like a right idiot does he not make any attempt to be friendly? she should have given him the boot ages ago if he is like that with her daughter.
i know i am probably way out of line here but is it his idea to have a baby? dont forget he could be sent back to iraq if they split and if he has a child here maybe not? am sorry if that sounds harsh as i dont really know anything about them.

all in all i can only go on my experience which is when my cousin was trying for a baby her mother got pregnant she was 42 and gutted she was told she was going through change and no way would she get caught (famous last words) she had abortion lined up and everything but in the end could not go through with it. anyway she had her baby then my cousin had one 18m later it worked out ok as they sort of grew up together while my cousin returned to work. still saying that, my aunt really felt her age throughout the baby growing up and kept saying she should be enjoying her grandkid not starting again. maybe yr mum has forgotten how hard it is.

i hope yr ok hun, i hope you dont take offence to what i have said. i am the end of the pc if u wanna talk xxxxxxxxxxxxx

thankyou hun this means a lot pm me and we can chat about it if your happy to do so chick

i dont take offence to what you have said to be completely hon est yes it was his idea to have the baby and this thought about him staying here has crossed my mind more than once lol.
he doesnt make no attempt to be friendly or anything of the sort i do not like him as a person he is horrible and rude. my mum cannot see through this all she sees is what she wants to see. but like i said i do get on with him for her sake but no one elses

i do not like the idea of her having a baby but then again what can i do about it, i think nothing so there is no point trying or dwelling on it. although it does make me feel uncomfortable trying for another while i know that she is trying as i dont want a baby brother or sister at the same time tht i have a little girl or baby boy.

like i said thankyou for talking hunxxxx

You know my views on this hun i think your mum will face alot of complications with her being an older woman and will probably realise it was a mistake after she has another child. I cant understand why she would be bothered about you losing weight - you should lose weight for YOU - James loves you Morgan loves you we love you and your not unhealthy so why worry lose weight in your own time and HELL have another baby if you want you do it when YOU are ready not when your mum says so.

Dont let her pull you down jodie hun you have your life now and your mum has hers parents never listen to their kids so theirs no point in trying to persuade her not to do it, she'll do it anyway lol.
You have you and your family to look after now

Love you to bits - you know where i am if you need me
xxxx

Awww huni! Bless ya i dnt think ur bein selfish, this is gna have come as a massiv shoc2 u after she had sed she didnt want anymor kids and bein a grandmtha think it would have come as a shoc 2 any1.
This mite sound awful not ment to tho do u think shes havin sum sort of mid life crisis? Mayb she is gettin to the age wher shes realised times runnin out n if her new hubby is pushin4 it mayb she jus feels pressured or confused about wot she wants.
At 42 she may come accross sum real problems havin a baby n mayb that wil b enuf2 put her off.
But u cant put ur life either worryin about wot shes goin2 do. Mayb u ought2 talk2 her bout how u feel, mayb shes so wrapped up in it all she hasnt thort bout how its gna affect u.

N i completely get wot u mean with the whole freaked out by the idea of bein pregnant at the same time as ur mum! i would b 2!

Hope things sort out 4 u hun x

thankyou for your replies!!

nothings been said about it since she spoke to me the other week and was dropping her hints but i dunno what i thionk about it anymore..

i just hate the idea of been pregnant at the same time, so i dunno how i feel about her having another baby anyways... like you have all said she is gunna do it anyway right so why worry about it in the first place.

i dont think she is having a midlife crisis trust me she is very much in her own mind and knows full well the complications she might come across and the outcome of it too. so i dont know what is going around in her head really.

anyways im just gunna leave it and try and forget about it. but dont think it will be easy. i do think orhan is pushing her to become a mum again because he wants kids but wouldnt surprise me if he is just getting under her skin and trying to get a baby to stay in this country although it is a big accusation to make so i cannot say anything..

thankyou for all your replies